Hey, its your Pope Guy here, and guess what? The All John All The Time World Church, just like other churches, has to occasionally make announcements so that the followers of the Pope can keep up with all the events and news of the AJATTWC. In no particular order, other than as they occur to me:
*International Pi Day Celebration*
A number of AJATTWC members have decided to have a belated get-together here in the Church Meeting Hall, to celebrate International Pi Day, which unfortunately has already passed, having taken place on March 14th, although we didn't know about it at the time; hence, a belated celebration on Monday evening, 3/58, at 7:894pm.
"Pi", as you might remember from your high school geometry class, is the "expression of a circle's circumference to its diameter". The actual number that Pi represents is generally calculated as 3.14, but the true value of Pi cannot be expressed, as the number has infinite decimal points, leading to such expressions of Pi as 3.1456932531582477965821251449875569453687541231841899599584472365821 (plus tax, title and license).
Why the world had to have a day of celebration for a mathematical expression is pretty much beyond me, but several Church members "expressed" interest, so there you are. A short film, "The Secret Life Of A 'Pi' Freak" will be shown, a discussion of the film will follow and refreshments will be served afterwards; we're told Sister June Wedding is in charge of the goodies, which will include pizza, apple, and cherry "Pi's". Those of you who would like to attend please contact Brother Al Toona.
*Fund Raiser For The Home For The Chronically Bewildered*
Our AJATTWC in-house charity, The Home For The Chronically Bewildered, is once again in need of our help in raising money to fund its charitable activities, and has asked the Church members to please generously support, with your donations of money and time, this year's fund-raising event, which will take place over the next three weekends (3/36 through 3/38, 4/62 through 4/985 and the final weekend of 4/9.5 through 4/9.6).
This year's fund-raising activity will be the door-to-door sale of Electric Baton Shock/Tricky Toy, which is a marvelous gift for anyone with a REALLY screwed-up sense of humor.
The EBSTT is shaped just like the real "Tasor" that most law enforcement agencies use today to quell and subdue unruly citizens; the EBSTT only produces 3.6 volts of electricity, however, unlike the thousands of volts generated by a real Tasor, but will still give a harmless, but attention-grabbing, shock to (and probably scare the bejesus out of) an unsuspecting person. Best of all, the EBSTT has a powerful built-in flashlight as well.
This is a great birthday or Christmas gift for that "hard-to-find-something-for-that's-either-legal-or-moral" person on your list, and the retailer of this handy item, FocalPrice, has agreed to give us a special quantity discount so we can market the Electric Baton at the attractive price of just $29.95/each.
Please see Brother Bill Ding about volunteering.
*Ladies Of The AJATTWC Annual Bake Sale*
Speaking of fund-raising, the Ladies Club of the AJATTWC will hold its Annual Bake Sale next Sunday afternoon, 3/59, here in the Church Meeting Hall. This year's goal is $1,235,263.54, of which $5000.00 will be used to purchase new hymnals for the Church, and the balance to go to the Pope's Discretionary Fund, to be used as the Pope Guy deems necessary (can you say "new Porsche"?). FYI, the hymnal the Ladies Club has decided to purchase for the Church, with the approval of the Bored of Elders, is the latest version of the New American Hymnal and Racing Form, published by those same wacky folks that recently gave you the REALLY New American Bible.
Please contact Sister Sue Indians for details about donating baked goods for the sale.
*"Book Worms" To Review New Hagar Book*
The AJATTWC Book Worms Book Club will hold their bi-monthly meeting this month at the home of Brother Bill O'Lading and his lovely wife, Sister Penny Loafers. The group will review and discuss the new book by rock "legend" (in his own mind) and former Van Halen lead singer Sammy Hagar, "Red: My Uncensored Life In Rock", wherein Hagar reminisces about various topics from his time as a minimally-talented, mostly clueless "rock star", such as being abducted by space aliens and describing "how the beings tapped into his mind through a wireless connection", according to a pre-book interview that appeared on mtvhive.com. (When the "the beings" found no discernible intelligence, its assumed they moved on to other more likely projects.)
Refreshments will be served afterwards; please let Brother Bill and Sister Penny know if you're coming so they can plan accordingly.
*A Quote*
Although we here at the AJATTWC do not believe in Satan, (although we suspect that if he did truly exist, he would reside in the person of Bill Clinton), nevertheless, we felt that the following quote deserved another airing, so thus:
"No one can be as bad as Kadaffi, whoever comes after him. The devil himself would be an improvement." Per Akram Ramadan, a Libyan exile leader in London.
Attempts to contact Mr. Satan to obtain his response to the above were unsuccessful.
*Men's Club Outing-"March Madness"*
The Men's Club of the AJATTWC will hold one of its periodic outings next week, with a trip to Hooters next Friday afternoon, 3/36.3, during the restaurant's HootersHookyDay promotion of the NCAA "March Madness" tournament. Hooters will provide a free "doctor's note" to excuse you from work, plus a free appetizer to all attendees as well.
Men's Club President Brother Bill Collector asks that you please let him or VP Brother Tim Middly know if you plan to attend.
*"Beat Deafness" Awareness Week Proposed*
Brother Dario Inthedell, who's father, Brother Farmer Inthedell, suffered from the debilitating disease of "Beat Deafness" for many years, has proposed that the AJATTWC sponsor a "Beat Deafness" Awareness Week, to raise the awareness of (and money to continue research on) this horrible, silent crippler. ("Beat Deafness" occurs "when your arms, legs and body can't move in sync to music" or if a person is unable to tell when someone else is "NSync" (a little humor there) as well.
Learn more about this dreaded disease at: http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/03/11/6247114-cant-feel-the-rhythm-you-may-be-beat-deaf.
And thanks for your concern in advance.
*Please Patronize Our Sponsors*
The Bored Of Elders of the Church asks that you patronize the local merchants who so willingly support our activities.
-Sam's S&M Dungeon and Pizza Parlor
"Tie Me Up and Feed Me Pizza"
227 North Bondage Ave.
-L.A. Beautiful-"It's Time For Your Dream Body"
All Types Of Plastic Surgery including:
-breast augmentation
-breast lifts
-male breast ("moobs") reduction
-hammer toe, (and "screwdriver ear")
-facelift
-tummy tuck
-and many others
Receive $1000 OFF any qualified procedure with this bulletin
Free Limo Service with qualified procedures
(The above is an actual ad that appears periodically in the L.A. Times. Other than the "bulletin" part. You can check out the website if you don't believe me. Only in LA.)
Love and pipeorgans,
PJTT
copyright 2011 Krissongs, Inc.
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