WELCOME TO THE BLOG OF POPE JOHN THE TALL, LEADER OF THE ALL JOHN ALL THE TIME WORLD CHURCH


******PLEASE NOTE******

(Notice I said please.)

To those of you who are new to "the Pope" and the "AJATTWC", the following various posts are the official communications of yours truly, Pope John The Tall, or as I'm known in many circles, PJTT.

I aspired to the position of Pope of the AJATTWC several years ago, after the Roman Catholics elected Joseph Ratzinger, a German Cardinal, as their Pope; I figured if he could do it, so could I.

Despite what would seem to be a "religious" theme, I try not to play favorites: I'm satirical/irreverent about everything, in an attempt to give my readers a few yucks; that is the goal. If I haven't made you laugh, well, I tried, and I hope I'm given an "A" for the effort. (Or at least a really solid "C".)

I further hope that my faithful readers (all several of them) and any of you who wander in from the cold of the Internet, will derive much solace and spiritual awakening from my timeless prose, and, as I so often refer to it, the "soothing balm of Johnism"; if you don't, how sad for you, because I'm a pretty funny guy. (My daughter tells me, regularly, that I'm "silly"; I suspect that she's right.)

Please note that everything on my blog is meant to be fun, and in no way insulting to anyone, unless of course you're a politician, then you can assume I intended to insult you. (Hey, it goes with the job, guys; if you can't take the heat, then the harder they fall.)

Never mind.

Anyway, welcome and thanks for stopping by; please feel free to peruse to your heart's content (there is a large archive of my past posts, going back several hundred years, in the right-hand column), and please be sure to make a large donation at the door as you leave. (It's tax-deductible.)

Speaking of leaving, as I make my exit, and probably none too soon, here's something from the Book of Excretions, Apollo 13: Dodgers 6...

"Blessed are the lazy, for although they don't accomplish much, they're well rested."

Enjoy. (Or don't, it's still a free country. It is still a free country, isn't it? They haven't changed that as far as I know, have they?)





Monday, January 24, 2011

Gay Marriage In The Rudest City In America With The Kardashians (???)

I totally do not get this whole hoohaw over gay marriage.

As Pope of the All John All The Time World Church, I believe that it is one of my duties to keep abreast (I'd like to keep more than one) of the issues that face the world and our members every day, so that I can address these topics and be a beacon of light and logic to those that look to their Pope guy for guidance.

Hard to say all that with a straight face.

But of all the issues that the world deals with daily, whether it be the economy, the plight of the poor, healthcare, gun control, terrorism or the latest reality show starring the Kardashians, (just exactly how many Kardashians are there anyway? Every time I look, its like there's another one, doing this photo shoot or that red-carpet appearance, shit, they're like rabbits), the one that perplexes me the most is gay marriage. Why in the world wouldn't you want somebody's marriage to be gay? Wouldn't a happy, carefree union, one that is joyous and spontaneous, wouldn't that be something to strive for? Why would anyone not want...hang on, the Popephone is ringing...JTT...dude...its what?...between two men or women?...whoa, that's not what I was told...Bill, down in the altar and throne department...you're kidding...first of all, tell that asshole that's not funny, then fire him...now, today, yes...okay, call me back when its done...that jerk. (That was my consigliore, the Right Reverens Monsignor Michael Jordan. No, not that one.)

(Frankly, I think gays should be allowed to marry; why shouldn't they just as miserable as the heteros?)

And with no segue whatsoever, in a recent poll in Travel & Leisure, a magazine for Republican boomers with too much money and time on their hands, Los Angeles, the City Of The Angels (the heavenly kind, not the baseball team that plays in Los Angeles of Anaheim), according to the people who were polled, is the Rudest City In America. Not the most scenic, or having the best restaurants, or the most hideous architecture, no, the rudest. In America. The whole country.

Now I live in L.A.; I lived in Chicago and its suburbs almost my entire life, and moved west to Los Angeles when I was 50, having grown tired of standing ass-deep in snow while I spent 10 minutes cleaning off the windshield of my car so I could drive two blocks to the grocery store for a gallon of milk and the latest edition of Big Breast Annual. Notwithstanding the weather, I loved Chicago; great restaurants, incredible museums, including the world class Art Institute, an amazing shoreline along Lake Michigan, the best blues clubs, yeah, Chicago is way cool in my mind. (Chicago is also the home of the world's worst sports franchise, the Chicago Cubs, who, as of this writing in early 2011, have not won a championship in over 100 YEARS. 1908. Sad.)

But I don't agree with the poll that named L.A. as the Rudest City In America. Most stupid, maybe, certainly the most narcissistic but rudest? I don't know, that seems kinda' harsh, you know? I don't think L.A. is any more or less "rude" than any other big city; hell, we're downright civilized compared to some cities. (So I don't have to hear the howls of protest, I'll not mention them by name. NYC.)

So I decided that I would use my bully pulpit as Pope of the AJATTWC, and in defense of it's honor, it's reputation, rally all the residents of Los Angeles to rise up in defiance of Leisure & Travel magazine and have the Kardashians removed from all media in the country. L.A. controls the entertainment industry, and we have the power. That's right, America, all you thoughtless poops who dissed my adopted home, we'll take away the one thing that I know you people cannot subsist without, that's right, the Kardashian family, however many of them there are.

Rudest, huh? Well, you've picked the wrong Marine to screw with, America. From now on, just see how dull your reality shows are without Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, Konnie, Kenny, Kermit, shit, the list just goes on and on and...

Love and TMZ,

PJTT

copyright 2011 Krissongs, Inc.

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