One of the things I get the biggest bang out of doing with the official atomic-powered rocket ship of the Pope of the All John All The Time World Church, (that would be me) the Royal Unionship Kidding, or the RU Kidding for short, is flying over convents inverted (that's down-side up for you non-aeronautical types) at about 48 gazillion parkingmeters (that's the next measurement up from kilometers) per hour, swooping in really low to scare the living bejeezus out of any nuns that might be out in the yard. Why convents/nuns? Latent hostility towards the "other" Pope, (you know, the one in Rome)? A death wish on my part? General orneriness?
Honestly, I've never actually done that, you know, flown low over a convent; I just wanted to see if you guys were paying attention. (Hey, speaking of "official" stuff, like the "official atomic-powered rocket ship of the Pope", am I the only that thinks this whole "official" endorsement thing has gotten a little out of hand? You know, like those little "blurbs" on TV sports commercials that tell us, "Wally's Worms And Wigglers: Official Bait And Tackle Provider For The NHL", or "Poophead County Morgue, Official Sponsor Of The MLB". Come on, guys, you mean to tell me that the $500 gazillion trillion dollars you already make on ticket sales, ads, sports apparel, kickbacks, etc. isn't enough? I mean, I'm all for free enterprise, hell, I'm in favor of just about "free" anything, but I don't know, these "official" thingies seem...tacky.)
Us Popes have always had, over the years, all kinds of "toys", you know, like atomic-powered rocket ships, Popemobiles, (I guess if I were Santa Claus that would be the Skimobile), a yacht, a dog-sled team and a juggling/acrobatic troupe from Argentina (The Flying Evitas).
Now, you're probably asking yourself, myself, how does a man of the cloth, a Pope, a man who has dedicated his life to helping sinners, who has taken a vow of poverty, how does he afford all these expensive toys? What, are you serious? (RU Kidding?) You guys ever see pictures of the Vatican? The value of the art treasures alone in that place would support every man, woman, child and orangutan in the State of Rhode Island for the next several decades. Afford a yacht? Ask Robert Schiller, you know, the preacher, excuse me, "televangelist", who founded that church down in Orange County CA that built the Crystal Palace. (Although they recently declared bankruptcy so maybe he's not the best person to ask; besides, Schiller wasn't a Pope.) Afford a yacht? The Pope in Rome could afford his own Navy if he wanted. ("Arnie's Army/Navy Store, this is Hugo, how can I help you?" "Hey, hi Pope, 'sup?" "Okay, what do you need?" "Uh-huh...uh-huh...yeah...uh-huh...okay, lemme' read this list back to you... you need a George Washington-class aircraft carrier, a battleship, two frigates, an Aegis intel ship and three guided missile cruisers? Did I get everything?" "Hey, we got a special going this week, buy one Aegis ship, get an Ohio-class nuclear submarine at half off, how about if I...?" "Oh, yeah, I forgot, no ballistic nukes, only tactical, okay, just wanted to mention it. How soon do you need them?")
The SS Dee Dee, the "official" yacht of the Pope of the AJATTWC is a 245 foot, twin-engined beauty capable of 5982 knots (that's 38 mph to you landlubbers, or E=mc2 less the excise tax), sleeps 115 guests, has a swimming pool, beauty salon, casino, massage parlor, tennis courts, the Statue of Liberty, two pubs and a partridge in a pear tree. Just what every discerning Pope needs.
I mean, it's all about image, right? Perception is reality? Besides, who wants to have anything to do with a church that preaches poverty and giving to the poor, you know, like that Jesus guy talked about? Boy, what century did he live in?
Love and Rembrandts,
PJTT
copyright 2011 Krissongs, Inc.
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