Public Service Announcement...
If you see this person (above), please call your local
exorcist, immediately.
Your Pope Dude (yes, I am John The Tall, the leader and
hitting instructor for the All John All The Time World Church; there is an
explanation of this phenomena above, if you're curious as to how this atrocity
came into being), is happy to announce the grand opening of the Church's new
headquarters in rustic, up to it's butt in cornfields Oswego IL, located in the
Fox River Valley area of the Land of Lincoln and the once home of Oswego Drag
Raceway, in it's day one of the premier drag-racing facilities in the Midwest,
until 1979, when the track was closed and the property sold to a company who
subsequently built a nursing home on the site. (Why does that strike me as
ironic somehow?)
I'll save the story of how I, and the HQ of the AJATTWC came
to be relocated to the Midwest for another post and another day, because
today's entry in the official blog of the Popeamundo will be the official organ
of the AJATTWC, the:
APRIL 2014
NOBULLetin
Without any further ado, here is this month's edition,
actually on time for a change.
~AJATTWC Announces It's Own "Book"~
According
to the Bored Of Elders of the AJATTWC, the Church has compiled and has recently
published a "book" of it's own liturgy, along the lines of the Bible,
the Koran, the AA Big Book and any piece recommended by Oprah Winfrey on her
ridiculous book show.
The
liturgical collection of writings, based mostly on the posts from your Pope
Guy's weblog, is entitled "The DooDah", and is a comprehensive and
in-depth study of the thoughts and teachings of the leader of the AJATTWC. As
you can see from it's vast size, the DooDah is, indeed, an extensive compendium
of Papal thought.
The DooDah
is available on several websites, such as Barnes & Noble, Amazon and Bass Pro
Shops, at the attractive price of just three easy installments of $99.95 each,
with all proceeds going to the AJATTWC-sponsored, and the Pope's favorite,
charity, the Home For The Chronically Bewildered, after a small stipend is
allocated to His Popeness. (The rumors that this stipend is in excess of 75%
are false and slanderous; my cut does not exceed 50%.)
For those of you who seek the
"soothing balm of Johnism", the DooDah is a must-own and must-read.
~Health Lecture By Dr. Bill Scheduled~
A lecture
on several health hazards of which the followers of PJTT should beware has been
scheduled for the third Wednesday of next week, and your Popemeister is
encouraging all of you to attend. The lecture, by the Church's resident health
guru and director of the Church-sponsored think-tank, the Center For The
Consideration Of Weighty Matters, as well as being a board-certified magician,
err, sorry, physician, is entitled "Can You Really Get Herpes From A
Toilet Seat?" and deals with a number of health risks currently plaguing
people everywhere, including the dreaded "human bat syndrome" (see
photo below) and the fact that 1 in every 18 people are born with a third
nipple, which for those of you who are physiologically challenged, is one more
than standard equipment. (Dr. Bill informs your Popeosity that some of those
afflicted with a third faucet have the extra appendage in the middle of their
forehead.)
Please plan
to join us at this important event, and please let Sister Tess Tickles know if
you can bring a dish, preferably with food in it.
~Teen Club Outing Cancelled~
Sister
Patty Melt, new President of the AJATTWC's Teen Club, Teens For John, informs
the NOBULLetin that the May 83rd outing planned for the group, to a
demonstration of the age-old art of "busking" has been cancelled;
apparently, there was some misunderstanding by the sponsors of the event,
Buskers and Fuskers International, as to the local ordinances governing these
activities. Sister Melt says that the teen group will hold it's regular meeting
that evening instead, and a June outing will be discussed at that time. Please
let Sister Ruby Slippers know if you're planning to attend.
~No Bake Sale For May Per Woman's Club President~
Woman's Club President Sister Erin
Judgment has announced that the club, the Women For Johnism, will not be having
a Bake Sale during the month of May. While this announcement would seem
superfluous, the NOBULLetin has never failed to have some reference to a
Woman's Club Bake Sale, and your Pope Guy didn't see any reason to set a
precedent with this edition.
~Pet Parade Planned~
Sister Erin
Judgment did however ask your Popeness to announce that the Woman's Club is
planning a Pet Parade on the grounds here at the Church's HQ, scheduled for the
6th Sunday of next month; all kids and their pets are urged to participate.
There will be activities, games and general foolishness after the parade for
all ages. Below is a photo of one of last year's entries, as they were enroute
to the parade. Sister Laurel Enhardy is in charge of this year's event, and you
can see her for more details, including volunteering for the post-Parade
clean-up brigade.
~AJATTWC Salutes Chicago As This Year's "Funniest City
in America"
The Church and your Popemeister would like to
take this opportunity to salute our neighboring city of Chicago for it's
winning of this year's "Funniest City In America" poll. Brother
Warren Peace was one of the national pollsters, and commented to Your Popeosity
that part of the reason Chicago won this year was due to Mayor Rahm Emanuel,
for both his leadership of the city and his dopey name.
Congrats to
Chicago, my kind of town.
~Men's Club Lecture Planned~
The
President of the AJATTWC's Men's Club, Brother Chuck Wagon, has announced that
the Men's group is sponsoring a lecture by Mr. Harry Legs for the 56th of next
month, on the ins and outs of the new State of Illinois "concealed
carry" law. For the gun-owners in our congregation, this is a must-attend.
Mr. Legs is an acknowledged expert in the field of concealed carry laws, having
graduated from the Institute For Public Armature, as well as being an
instructor at the Institute and a renowned gun-owner himself. Mr. Legs will
give a slide presentation as an enhancement to his lecture, which will feature
recent cases involving this controversial law. (Please see the link below for a
graphic depiction of one woman's interpretation of the term "concealed
carry", which involves a very private area that Your Pope feels shouldn't
involve firearms.)
All those
who plan to attend, and your Pope urges all you double-barreled guys to do so,
please let Brother Jack Cheese, the event's coordinator, know you're coming, or
whatever your reaction is.
~Prayer Requests~
Sister
Penny Stocks asks that the congregation remember her mother, Sister Pearl
Necklace, who passed away just last month, due to a lingering illness, thought
to be cirrhosis of the blowhole.
Brother
Gary Indiana has requested prayers for his pet iguana, Biff, who has contracted
hoof-in-mouth and is battling to return to good health.
~Please Patronize Our Sponsors~
Here is a
partial list of the businesses that help pay for the NOBULLetin and your Pope
Guy's exorbitant salary; please help them out by patronizing their
establishments.
Thanks.
~The Law Firm of Dewey, Cheatum and Howe, Attorneys At Law~
"We're
only in it for the dough"
www.MyAttorneyCanWhipYourAttorney.aba
~Sam's S&M Dungeon and Pizza Parlor~
"Tie
me up and feed me pizza"
227 N.
Bondage Ave.
555-867-5309
~Rose's Special Buds~
Florist and
Medical Marijuana Shop
1356
Copabuzz Dr.
555-456-1111
Ms. Rose
Bush, Proprietor
Love and sermons,
PJTT
copyright 2014 Krissongs Inc.
No comments:
Post a Comment