WELCOME TO THE BLOG OF POPE JOHN THE TALL, LEADER OF THE ALL JOHN ALL THE TIME WORLD CHURCH


******PLEASE NOTE******

(Notice I said please.)

To those of you who are new to "the Pope" and the "AJATTWC", the following various posts are the official communications of yours truly, Pope John The Tall, or as I'm known in many circles, PJTT.

I aspired to the position of Pope of the AJATTWC several years ago, after the Roman Catholics elected Joseph Ratzinger, a German Cardinal, as their Pope; I figured if he could do it, so could I.

Despite what would seem to be a "religious" theme, I try not to play favorites: I'm satirical/irreverent about everything, in an attempt to give my readers a few yucks; that is the goal. If I haven't made you laugh, well, I tried, and I hope I'm given an "A" for the effort. (Or at least a really solid "C".)

I further hope that my faithful readers (all several of them) and any of you who wander in from the cold of the Internet, will derive much solace and spiritual awakening from my timeless prose, and, as I so often refer to it, the "soothing balm of Johnism"; if you don't, how sad for you, because I'm a pretty funny guy. (My daughter tells me, regularly, that I'm "silly"; I suspect that she's right.)

Please note that everything on my blog is meant to be fun, and in no way insulting to anyone, unless of course you're a politician, then you can assume I intended to insult you. (Hey, it goes with the job, guys; if you can't take the heat, then the harder they fall.)

Never mind.

Anyway, welcome and thanks for stopping by; please feel free to peruse to your heart's content (there is a large archive of my past posts, going back several hundred years, in the right-hand column), and please be sure to make a large donation at the door as you leave. (It's tax-deductible.)

Speaking of leaving, as I make my exit, and probably none too soon, here's something from the Book of Excretions, Apollo 13: Dodgers 6...

"Blessed are the lazy, for although they don't accomplish much, they're well rested."

Enjoy. (Or don't, it's still a free country. It is still a free country, isn't it? They haven't changed that as far as I know, have they?)





Monday, February 17, 2014

The NOBULLetin_February 2014


God's response to this month's NOBULLetin (above).

After numerous complaints from my various followers concerning their inability to keep up with the "happenings" of their favorite religious facility, the All John All The Time World Church, your also favorite Pope (which is at best a dubious distinction, given the lack of competition), John The Tall, leader and head spiritual guy of the AJATTWC, has decided to re-institute the NOBULLetin, which was until I got too lazy to write it, the monthly news organ of the church.

I promise (threaten) that I will publish one every month, from now on, like it or not.

Accordingly, here is the February 2014 edition of your fave church poop-sheet, the NOBULLetin...

*No Further "Johner Of The Month" Award*
            Your Popester, in conjunction with the AJATTWC Bored Of Elders, has decided this month to suspend indefinitely the awarding of the previously coveted "Johner Of The Month" award; this move has been necessitated by several factors, any of which was sufficient in and of itself to justify this decision.
            First, the cost of the prize (typically a gift certificate to Starbucks for a Latte Mocha Jockstrap Chocolate Bicycle Grande Nutmeg Frappachino) was becoming prohibitive. (They're what? $42.56 plus tax these days?)
Second, our church secretary, Ms. Virginia Ham, somehow managed to delete the blank certificate form that we used to fill in with the winner's name and print out for them, and now she can't seem to find another on-line.
And third, the last few winners didn't seem that enthused by the honor. I won't mention any names, but one of them, when notified of her award, remarked that she would rather endure root-canal work without the benefit of anesthesia, then to be named the winner of anything that had to do with the AJATTWC and your Popeamundo.
Isn't it sad how ungrateful your children become as they grow older?

*On-Line Exorcisms Available*
            Speaking of being on-line, church President Hugh Mongous has asked, as a public service to all our members, especially those afflicted with any pesky and/or hard-to-get-rid-of demons or spirits, that the congregation be made aware that Pastor Bob Larson of the Scottsdale AZ International Missions Program will, for the paltry donation of $295 (preferably in cash), be happy to exorcise you of said demons/spirits, using 21st century technology, via Skype.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/29/bob-larson-skype_n_4688323.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news 
            While the AJATTWC has no official position, for or against, with regards to Reverend Larson's ministry, given the activities of some of our members at the latest Teen Club outing (see the photo below of Sister Holly Woode at the event), we would highly recommend that some of the kids consider contacting him.
            Soon.

*Applications For Rectory Housekeeper Being Taken*
            Any of you loyal followers of your Pope Guy who are interested in, or know someone dumb enough to be interested in, the part-time position of Housekeeper at the AJATTWC rectory, should contact our Head Custodian, Brother Alan Wrench, as soon as possible, to apply for the job. Brother Wrench will be happy to discuss hours (which will be long) and salary (which will be miniscule) with you at that time. (Perks? You get to hang with the Pope, how's that?)
            If you're in the market for back breaking, unrewarding labor at wages well below what would be considered decent, please apply soon; as you can see from the photo and video below, we already have several applicants.

*Pet Found On Church Property*
            Brother Bill Collector, President of the Men's Club, has asked that the following announcement be made: a pet dog (?) was found on the church's back lawn recently (photo below); the poor little guy was wearing a tag, but it had been burned off so identification of the owner was impossible. If you've lost your favorite pooch in the area, please give Brother Collector a call.

*Church Security Being Upgraded*
            Due to the recent rash of threats to your Popearama from several disgruntled ex-members (something to do with claims of non-performance, and the failure to fulfill certain promises involving "a heavenly experience"), the Bored Of Elders has decided to enhance the protection currently being provided your Pope; to this end, the Bored has contracted with Mr. Bob Upendown of the security firm Tanks A Lot, to furnish bodyguard services on a 24/7 basis. Below is a picture of Mr. Upendown; we hope you will make him welcome when you see him around the church.

*Woman's Club Bake Sale*
            Unfortunately, once again this month, according to Woman's Club President Sue Pervise, there will be no Bake Sale to benefit the Women For Johnism. There has, however, never been a monthly NOBULLetin that did not contain a reference to a Woman's Club Bake Sale, and we certainly didn't want to start an ugly precedent with this month's edition.

*"Women For Johnism" Fondue Party Fund-Raiser*
            However, once again per Sister Sue Pervise, the WFJ will be hosting a fondue party fund-raiser for all interested Church couples in the church meeting hall on Administrative Professional's Day, which this year falls on Wednesday, April 23rd. Please plan to join us for this festive occasion, and to ensure the evening's success, Sister Clair Voyant has a special treat planned for the event (see the photo below). Please contact Sister Pervise by 2/31/14 to make your reservations.

*A Political Non-Endorsement*
            As you all know, it is not the policy of the Bored Of Elders or your Pope Guy to endorse any political candidates for any public office; the reasons for this are manifold:
            One, most politicians are people that your Popeness would not care to be mentioned in the same sentence with, let alone provide an endorsement for their crooked, thieving ways.
            Second, there's no way I'm jeopardizing our tax-exempt status with the IRS to support some sleazy politician. (This church/Pope gig is the greatest tax-dodge ever.)
            However, with that said, the Bored and your Popester would like to acknowledge and congratulate Mr. John Key, the Prime Minister of New Zealand, for clearing up, with his fearless submission to various testing protocols, the issue of whether or not he is a shape-shifting space reptile (see article below).
            We are most grateful to Mr. Key for his announcement, and thank him for his candor.

*Teen Club Outing Announced*
            Deb Utant, President of the AJATTWC's teen club, Teens For John, has announced an outing for all interested TFJ members, and those interested in joining the club, to the upcoming concert of the new boy-band pop sensation, Jump Up Yours (see photo below); the concert is to be held downtown at the Concerts R' Us facility on March 21st, which is also the 312th anniversary of Queen Anne Stuart's address to the British Parliament. Sister Utant asks that you contact her ASAP, as tickets for the event are going fast.

*Please Patronize Our Sponsors*
            Here is a partial list of the businesses that help pay for the NOBULLetin and your Pope Guy's exorbitant salary; please help them out by patronizing their establishments.
            Thanks.

~The Law Firm of Dewey, Cheatum and Howe, Attorney's At Law~
            "We're only in it for the dough"
            www.MyAttorneyCanWhipYourAttorney.aba

~Sam's S&M Dungeon and Pizza Parlor~
            "Tie me up and feed me pizza"
            227 N. Bondage Ave.
            555-867-5309

~Rose's Special Buds~
            Florist and Medical Marijuana Shop
            1356 Copabuzz Dr.
            555-456-1111
            Ms. Rose Bush, Proprietor

 "...and blessed are the bewildered, not because they're cool or anything, but because they can use all the help they can get..."
Apollo 13; Dodgers 6

Love and sermons,

PJTT

copyright 2014 Krissongs Inc.

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