WELCOME TO THE BLOG OF POPE JOHN THE TALL, LEADER OF THE ALL JOHN ALL THE TIME WORLD CHURCH


******PLEASE NOTE******

(Notice I said please.)

To those of you who are new to "the Pope" and the "AJATTWC", the following various posts are the official communications of yours truly, Pope John The Tall, or as I'm known in many circles, PJTT.

I aspired to the position of Pope of the AJATTWC several years ago, after the Roman Catholics elected Joseph Ratzinger, a German Cardinal, as their Pope; I figured if he could do it, so could I.

Despite what would seem to be a "religious" theme, I try not to play favorites: I'm satirical/irreverent about everything, in an attempt to give my readers a few yucks; that is the goal. If I haven't made you laugh, well, I tried, and I hope I'm given an "A" for the effort. (Or at least a really solid "C".)

I further hope that my faithful readers (all several of them) and any of you who wander in from the cold of the Internet, will derive much solace and spiritual awakening from my timeless prose, and, as I so often refer to it, the "soothing balm of Johnism"; if you don't, how sad for you, because I'm a pretty funny guy. (My daughter tells me, regularly, that I'm "silly"; I suspect that she's right.)

Please note that everything on my blog is meant to be fun, and in no way insulting to anyone, unless of course you're a politician, then you can assume I intended to insult you. (Hey, it goes with the job, guys; if you can't take the heat, then the harder they fall.)

Never mind.

Anyway, welcome and thanks for stopping by; please feel free to peruse to your heart's content (there is a large archive of my past posts, going back several hundred years, in the right-hand column), and please be sure to make a large donation at the door as you leave. (It's tax-deductible.)

Speaking of leaving, as I make my exit, and probably none too soon, here's something from the Book of Excretions, Apollo 13: Dodgers 6...

"Blessed are the lazy, for although they don't accomplish much, they're well rested."

Enjoy. (Or don't, it's still a free country. It is still a free country, isn't it? They haven't changed that as far as I know, have they?)





Thursday, February 6, 2014

This, That And My Brother

I hope you're listening.

(Actually, I decided to leave out the "my brother" part of this post, since he's fundamentally a self-important know-it-all that I'm sure you guys don't want to hear about anyway.)

So there.

"Is the present state of the national republic enough? Is virtue the principle of our government? Is honor? Or is ambition and avarice, adulation, baseness, covetousness, the thirst for riches, indifference concerning the means of rising and enriching, the contempt of principle, the spirit of party and of faction the motive and principle that governs?"

John Adams, 2nd President of the United States, in a letter to his long-time friend Benjamin Rush, who was not only his physician but the founder of the eponymous rock group, dated 2/6/1805, or 209 years ago today.

(Okay, the part about "the founder of the eponymous rock group" was a vicious lie, but the rest was spot on, for then and, sadly so it seems, for the present day as well. But I promised several of my loyal followers, mainly my daughter, Fred, that I wouldn't comment on politics anymore. Well, maybe occasionally.)

As the leader of an international faith (yes, I am Pope John The Tall, head of the All John All The Time World Church and Currency Exchange; see the explanation at the top of the page for how this travesty came into being), I feel it's my duty to my flock to not only spread the word of the "soothing balm of Johnism", but to keep my finger on the pulse of current events in our world today, and to comment, and hopefully shed light on these sundry mysteries, for the betterment of my dedicated followers.

With that thought in mind, I have gleaned from my readings of the local newspapers and various Internet media outlets a number of items of which I feel the members of the AJATTWC should be aware.

Accordingly, in no apparent order that I can discern:

~Did you know that electricity travels through wires at the rate of 700 MILLION MILES PER HOUR? That's WAY faster than the Speed Of Aroma, a measurement that has been commented upon here in the official AJATTWC blog on quite a few occasions previously. At that rate, electricity would still take 18 minutes to pass through the drive-up at any McDonalds, anywhere. (FYI, I learned this bit of trivia from a Jeffery Deaver novel I'm currently reading, literature being a huge source of scientific data for me.)

~The Denver Broncos were the victims of a botched snap from their starting center, Manny Ramirez, on the first play from scrimmage of Super Bowl XXLVGQPRS (and the game was essentially over at that point), and I have to think that choosing an almost 41-year old ex-baseball player and proven abuser of PEDs for your offensive line has to be asking for trouble; John Fox, what were you thinking?

Hang on, the Popephone is ringing...

"PJTT"..."hey, Mike, what's up?"..."oh, that's not the same Manny Ramirez?"..."oh"..."yeah, okay, I better change that"..."yeah, thanks, almost slobbered a bibful there, didn't I?"..."yeah, you too, see you later."

That was my consigliore, the Right Reverend Monsignor Michael Jordan (no, not the one that went to North Carolina); he tells me that the Manny Ramirez who plays for the Broncos isn't the same misguided cretin who screwed up his chances to get into the baseball Hall Of Fame and totally embarrassed himself at the end of his career Manny Ramirez.

Sorry; okay, moving on...

~I called a doctor's office last week for an initial appointment, needing to establish a new physician for myself, having returned recently to the frigid climes of Northern Illinois from the warm and sunny San Fernando Valley area of L.A. The young lady who answered the phone was very nice and very professional, but after I explained that I was a new patient, the first question she asked me was whether or not I have health insurance. Not how did you learn about Dr. X, or how did you come to call our office, just, can you pay? And I thought to myself, Pope, whatever happened to the Hippopotamus Oath that doctors must swear to uphold when they complete medical school? Where does it talk about, get the money info before giving treatment, huh? Geez.

~40 kids at a Utah elementary school had their lunches taken away earlier this week and were given a piece of fruit and a carton of milk as a replacement after lunchroom employees of the school district determined that the 40 children didn't have sufficient money in their "lunch accounts" to pay for the meal. Nice work, Utah school staffers; I personally appreciate how you're guarding our tax dollars (even though I don't, and wouldn't, live in Utah, the home of a lake named after a condiment and a religion whose guardian angel is named "Moroni", which is Italian for "we need to increase contributions"), by ensuring that no innocent, hungry child gets away with cheating the system for a free meal.

~A poll in the "What Do You Think?" portion of the website MSN.com posed the question recently, "Should Justin Bieber Be Deported To Canada?" The results were as follows:
-86% (EIGHTY-SIX PERCENT) responded with a resounding "Yes"
-5% thought he was "valued here" (drug-sellers, apparently)
-3% said they were "not sure" and
-6% asked "who is Justin Beiber?"
One can only hope. (By the way, all of the above is true; I didn't make up any of it, and I'm not above occasionally "inventing" facts, if it serves my purpose.)

~A lawsuit was brought in federal court last month by a resident of Cincinnati OH, Amy Herbst, and her husband, former Army Staff Sgt. James Herbst, alleging that a botched episiotomy performed on Ms. Herbst during the birth of their son at a military hospital caused her to suffer "incontinence" and "excessive gas", and that the uncontrolled flatulence has rendered her unable to continue as a mezzo-soprano for the Nashville Opera Company, where she has been a member of the ensemble since 2012. The couple is seeking $2.5 million in damages and costs. What was most striking to me about this article was the fact that Nashville has an opera company other than The Grand Ol'. I'm also thinking this gives new meaning to the phrase "singing from your diaphragm".

~I cannot help but think that there are a goodly number of you, oh dedicated followers of your Pope, that have thirsted your entire lives to obtain the knowledge of how to make a paper airplane fly continuously. Since I see it as one of my duties as your spiritual leader to help satisfy desires such as these, please see the link below (below) for an explanation of how to achieve this pinochle of aeronautical success.
You may thank me later. 

~And lastly, and not a moment too soon I'm sure, speaking of Justin Bieber, and I'd really rather not, here is "Stone Cold" Steve Austin's remarks on how he would handle the current Bieber controversies. 

Love and miscellany,

PJTT

copyright 2014 Krissongs Inc.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Dawn

Dawn