(Actually, I decided to leave out the "my brother"
part of this post, since he's fundamentally a self-important know-it-all that
I'm sure you guys don't want to hear about anyway.)
So there.
"Is the present state of the national republic enough?
Is virtue the principle of our government? Is honor? Or is ambition and
avarice, adulation, baseness, covetousness, the thirst for riches, indifference
concerning the means of rising and enriching, the contempt of principle, the
spirit of party and of faction the motive and principle that governs?"
John Adams, 2nd President of the United States, in a letter
to his long-time friend Benjamin Rush, who was not only his physician but the
founder of the eponymous rock group, dated 2/6/1805, or 209 years ago today.
(Okay, the part about "the founder of the eponymous
rock group" was a vicious lie, but the rest was spot on, for then and,
sadly so it seems, for the present day as well. But I promised several of my
loyal followers, mainly my daughter, Fred, that I wouldn't comment on politics
anymore. Well, maybe occasionally.)
As the leader of an international faith (yes, I am Pope John
The Tall, head of the All John All The Time World Church and Currency Exchange;
see the explanation at the top of the page for how this travesty came into
being), I feel it's my duty to my flock to not only spread the word of the
"soothing balm of Johnism", but to keep my finger on the pulse of
current events in our world today, and to comment, and hopefully shed light on
these sundry mysteries, for the betterment of my dedicated followers.
With that thought in mind, I have gleaned from my readings
of the local newspapers and various Internet media outlets a number of items of
which I feel the members of the AJATTWC should be aware.
Accordingly, in no apparent order that I can discern:
~Did you know that electricity travels through wires at the
rate of 700 MILLION MILES PER HOUR? That's WAY faster than the Speed Of Aroma,
a measurement that has been commented upon here in the official AJATTWC blog on
quite a few occasions previously. At that rate, electricity would still take 18
minutes to pass through the drive-up at any McDonalds, anywhere. (FYI, I
learned this bit of trivia from a Jeffery Deaver novel I'm currently reading,
literature being a huge source of scientific data for me.)
~The Denver Broncos were the victims of a botched snap from
their starting center, Manny Ramirez, on the first play from scrimmage of Super Bowl XXLVGQPRS
(and the game was essentially over at that point), and I have to think that choosing an
almost 41-year old ex-baseball player and proven abuser of PEDs for your
offensive line has to be asking for trouble; John Fox, what were you thinking?
Hang on, the Popephone is ringing...
"PJTT"..."hey, Mike, what's
up?"..."oh, that's not the same Manny
Ramirez?"..."oh"..."yeah, okay, I better change
that"..."yeah, thanks, almost slobbered a bibful there, didn't
I?"..."yeah, you too, see you later."
That was my consigliore, the Right Reverend Monsignor
Michael Jordan (no, not the one that went to North Carolina); he tells me that
the Manny Ramirez who plays for the Broncos isn't the same misguided cretin who
screwed up his chances to get into the baseball Hall Of Fame and totally
embarrassed himself at the end of his career Manny Ramirez.
Sorry; okay, moving on...
~I called a doctor's office last week for an initial
appointment, needing to establish a new physician for myself, having returned
recently to the frigid climes of Northern Illinois from the warm and sunny San
Fernando Valley area of L.A. The young lady who answered the phone was very
nice and very professional, but after I explained that I was a new patient, the
first question she asked me was whether or not I have health insurance. Not how
did you learn about Dr. X, or how did you come to call our office, just, can
you pay? And I thought to myself, Pope, whatever happened to the Hippopotamus
Oath that doctors must swear to uphold when they complete medical school? Where
does it talk about, get the money info before giving treatment, huh? Geez.
~40 kids at a Utah elementary school had their lunches taken
away earlier this week and were given a piece of fruit and a carton of milk as
a replacement after lunchroom employees of the school district determined that
the 40 children didn't have sufficient money in their "lunch
accounts" to pay for the meal. Nice work, Utah school staffers; I
personally appreciate how you're guarding our tax dollars (even though I don't,
and wouldn't, live in Utah, the home of a lake named after a condiment and a religion
whose guardian angel is named "Moroni", which is Italian for "we
need to increase contributions"), by ensuring that no innocent, hungry
child gets away with cheating the system for a free meal.
~A poll in the "What Do You Think?" portion of the
website MSN.com posed the question recently, "Should Justin Bieber Be
Deported To Canada?" The results were as follows:
-86% (EIGHTY-SIX PERCENT) responded with a resounding
"Yes"
-5% thought he was "valued here" (drug-sellers,
apparently)
-3% said they were "not sure" and
-6% asked "who is Justin Beiber?"
One can only hope. (By the way, all of the above is true; I
didn't make up any of it, and I'm not above occasionally "inventing"
facts, if it serves my purpose.)
~A lawsuit was brought in federal court last month by a
resident of Cincinnati OH, Amy Herbst, and her husband, former Army Staff Sgt.
James Herbst, alleging that a botched episiotomy performed on Ms. Herbst during
the birth of their son at a military hospital caused her to suffer
"incontinence" and "excessive gas", and that the
uncontrolled flatulence has rendered her unable to continue as a mezzo-soprano
for the Nashville Opera Company, where she has been a member of the ensemble
since 2012. The couple is seeking $2.5 million in damages and costs. What was
most striking to me about this article was the fact that Nashville has an opera
company other than The Grand Ol'. I'm also thinking this gives new meaning to
the phrase "singing from your diaphragm".
~I cannot help but think that there are a goodly number of
you, oh dedicated followers of your Pope, that have thirsted your entire lives
to obtain the knowledge of how to make a paper airplane fly continuously. Since
I see it as one of my duties as your spiritual leader to help satisfy desires
such as these, please see the link below (below) for an explanation of how to
achieve this pinochle of aeronautical success.
You may thank me later.
~And lastly, and not a moment too soon I'm sure, speaking of
Justin Bieber, and I'd really rather not, here is "Stone Cold" Steve
Austin's remarks on how he would handle the current Bieber controversies.
Love and miscellany,
PJTT
copyright 2014 Krissongs Inc.
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