Looking At Tiny Things

Scanning electron microscope.

What a meaty phrase.

Scanning electron microscope.

As your Pope, I have absolutely no reason to know what a "scanning electron microscope" is, or for that matter, does. (Actually, I do know what one is, and I have a sketchy idea of what they do, but beyond that, foursquare and where's the beef, what they do might as well be magic to me.) No one at the All John All The Time World Church uses one, so I have little experience with these machines. I'm sure "scanning electron microscopes" do wonderful things, especially if you're into looking at real tiny things like bacteria, viruses, quarks and Lindsey Lohan's brain, assuming its existence.

Since I know so little about the "scanning electron microscope", I decided to look up the definition of one on Wikipedia, and here's what they had to say:

A scanning electron microscope (SEM) is a type of electron microscope that images a sample by scanning it with a high-energy beam of electrons in a raster scan pattern. The electrons interact with the atoms that make up the sample producing signals that contain information about the sample's surface topography, composition, and other properties such as electrical conductivity.
The types of signals produced by an SEM include secondary electrons, back-scattered electrons (BSE), characteristic X-rays, light (cathodoluminescence), specimen current and transmitted electrons. Secondary electron detectors are common in all SEMs, but it is rare that a single machine would have detectors for all possible signals. The signals result from interactions of the electron beam with atoms at or near the surface of the sample. In the most common or standard detection mode, secondary electron imaging or SEI, the SEM can produce very high-resolution images of a sample surface, revealing details less than 1 nm in size. Due to the very narrow electron beam, SEM micrographs have a large depth of field yielding a characteristic three-dimensional appearance useful for understanding the surface structure of a sample. This is exemplified by the micrograph of pollen shown to the right. A wide range of magnifications is possible, from about 10 times (about equivalent to that of a powerful hand-lens) to more than 500,000 times, about 250 times the magnification limit of the best light microscopes. Back-scattered electrons (BSE) are beam electrons that are reflected from the sample by elastic scattering. BSE are often used in analytical SEM along with the spectra made from the characteristic X-rays. Because the intensity of the BSE signal is strongly related to the atomic number (Z) of the specimen, BSE images can provide information about the distribution of different elements in the sample. For the same reason, BSE imaging can image colloidal gold immuno-labels of 5 or 10 nm diameter, which would otherwise be difficult or impossible to detect in secondary electron images in biological specimens. Characteristic X-rays are emitted when the electron beam removes an inner shell electron from the sample, causing a higher energy electron to fill the shell and release energy. These characteristic X-rays are used to identify the composition and measure the abundance of elements in the sample.

Now don't you feel edified?

Now all of the above (see above) is of no particular import, other than if you're writing a paper on the "scanning electron microscope", then I'm sure the information would be of great value. But I'm not writing a paper on the "SEM" (hah, you thought I was going to write it out again, didn't you?), so I really don't care.

Its sunny and going to be in the mid-80s later today here in the bucolic and slightly confused San Fernando Valley, and I'm thinking that what I really care about is getting out this afternoon and getting the PopeMobile washed and waxed. Harley says he'll help, but mostly he just lays in the shade and watches me work.

And as my "assistant", he gets paid for this; Harley would fit right in up in Washington.

And speaking of east of CA, which, if you haven't looked at a map of the ol' US of A recently, pretty much covers the entire country, did you guys know that the Cleveland Indians have an outfielder playing for them named Shin-Soo Choo?

Shin-Soo Choo.

Okay, here's the bet: $10 says you can't drink three beers in thirty minutes, and then say "Shin-Soo Choo" quickly six times in a row. (Shit, I doubt I could say it once.)

Now you're probably wondering, if you've made it this far, what exactly is the significance of, and the connection between, a "scanning electron microscope" and the unusual name of the Indian's starting left fielder, yes?

Ready?

Both phrases were in my "idea" folder for posts that I haven't written yet, and I didn't have a topic for today's essay, so I just thought that I would let you guys know about these things, in an effort to expand your knowledge of the world about you. After all, one of my duties as your Pope Guy is to enlighten you and to help guide you through the moral labyrinth of today's fast-paced, high-tech "slutty" world.

("Scanning electron microscopes" are not really very slutty, but hey, you never know, and where would all the goofs in the Tea Party Wing of the GOP be without "constant vigilance"? And I can't speak for how "slutty" Shin-Soo Choo is, so we'll just give him the benefit of the doubt in this case.)

I'm thinking about getting Harley a "scanning electron microscope" for his birthday; he wouldn't have the slightest idea what to do with it, but hey, that didn't stop that horse's ass Arnold ("The Sperminator") Schwarzenhooven from running for Governor of California a few years ago.

I regularly thank God in my emails to him for creating politicians; you can only pick on the dumbshits in Hollywood just so long, and then its time for a change.

Tomorrow: Sarah Plain And Loud explains how she thinks her "Mama Grizzly" approach to governing is best and how, if elected President, she's sure it will improve the efficiency of all the "scanning electron microscopes" in the country.

And she also explains why she thought Albert Bell was still playing left field for the Indians.

Love and I have no idea sometimes,

PJTT

copyright 2011 Krissongs, Inc.