Although the clergy from the other church that has a Pope (that would be the Roman Catholics, not to be confused with the Greek Orthodox Catholics, the Russian Orthodox Catholics or Upper Sandusky Catholics, or for that matter, the Lower Zimbabwe eberts) are not allowed to marry, clergy from the All John All The Time World Church are allowed to do so. (By now, if you've read any of my other posts, you should know that an ebert is a small, furry mammal with two heads and an enormous sex-organ. From Lower Zimbabwe. The ebert, not the sex-organ.) So, like better than 50% of the marriages in this country, its possible that the marriage of one of the members of the clergy representing the AJATTWC could go bad, said membership being limited to yours truly. (Hey, it's still a small movement, we're just getting started, okay?) So, yes, I have an -ex, like so many other folks in this crazy world we live in, unlike gays however, who aren't allowed to marry, so, therefore, cannot have an -ex. (I have absolutely no problem with gay marriage, but I have no idea why gays are so anxious to marry; I can only assume they want to be as miserable as married heteros.)
Now my ex- isn't a bad person, and even if she were, I'd keep it to myself, because it always rankles the shit outta' me when I hear some dim-brain asshole start talking about his or her ex- like that person were the reincarnation of Jack The Ripper. Hey, dumbshit, you married him/her? How stupid does that make you? (Men seem to be the worst at doing this but hey ladies, I have to include some of you in this group as well.) I mean, without the good offices of my ex-, to say nothing of her various female parts, internal and external, I wouldn't have my daughter, who is, by far, hands down, the finest person I know. (By the way, I know that sounds biased as hell, but tough crap, she is. If my daughter didn't look so much like me, I'd have her DNA tested, just to make sure I'm her father. She's WAY too good and decent to be my kid; I have no idea what happened.)
Now, I live on the Left Coast, and the ex- lives back in the Midwest, right around Upper Sandusky, so we don't see each other often, nor do I make any attempt to keep track of her activities; after all, we've been divorced since 1982, so a lot of water has passed over the bridge since we went our separate ways. (Don't you hate when people mix their metaphors? "...water OVER the dam...", or "...water UNDER the bridge...", you goofs.)
So you can imagine my surprise when I was saw a headline on the 'Net the other day, something about a "Godzilla-like Creature Found In CA City", and when I clicked on the link, whoa, there was a picture of my ex-, to my great surprise (please see above).
Okay, it took me three-quarters of a page to set that one up, but I couldn't resist. But all that notwithstanding, Mother Nature and I are going to have a long chat about turning things that ugly loose on the unsuspecting world (I'm going to talk to her about Rosie O'Donnell also, in the same vein). That, by the way, is a Monitor lizard, and I wouldn't have known that if they hadn't said so in the article.
According to the report, some lady living in an apartment complex somewhere in Northern California looked out the window of her apartment one morning and saw this monster WALKING DOWN THE SIDEWALK. Out for a stroll, I assume. She called 911, and when the police showed up, they called the Animal Control folks, figuring, I guess, that since it was a monster, but not necessarily a criminal, it really wasn't their jurisdiction. Smart move, for my money. Besides, if just being ugly were a crime, Rosie would have been in jail years ago. The Animal Control people were able to get one of those loops they use on unfriendly dogs around it's neck and hauled it off to the pound, or wherever they take monsters upon capture. (The AnCon people speculated that, given the size of this thing, it was probably someone's pet, gone missing. If that's a pet, what's next, somebody's very own personal brontosaurus?)
Okay, I apologize for the "gee, what's a picture of my ex- doing on the Internet" joke; I am abject in my contrition.
But you know, if I had known back then that she had a tongue like that, I might have stayed married to her.
Love and Rodan,
PJTT
copyright 2011 Krissongs, Inc.
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