"We interrupt this program to bring you a special
bulletin..."
January 2014 NO
BULLetin
THE ALL JOHN ALL THE
TIME WORLD CHURCH
Edited by your
favorite Clergyperson
Pope John The Tall
Leader and Head Guy
Well, maybe not a bulletin per se (that's Latin for
"flushing toilet", see post from 1/25/14), but more a compendium
(that's English for "a summary or abstract containing the essential
information in a brief form", which is unusual for me, brevity, that is)
of a number of items that have crossed in front of my viewfinder in the last
few days, and that I believe deserve comment.
(For those of you who are not regular followers of my work,
which is the spreading of the gospel of the "soothing balm of
Johnism", an explanation of my now historic ascent to Papal irrelevance
appears above.)
FYI, the NOBULLetin is supposed to be a monthly publication,
but given time constraints, 24/7 news cycles and writer's block on the part of
your Pope, sometimes it's not so regular. Like once a year maybe.
Sorry; I promise to do better in the future.
In no apparent order, which is a hallmark of my writing,
here they are:
***From the Love, American Style Department...
Toni
Tennille, 73, the better looking half of the musical act the Captain and
Tennille (which in this case is a dubious distinction), announced last week
that she has filed for divorce from her husband of THIRTY-NINE YEARS, Captain
Horatio Hornblower, a/k/a Daryl Dragon, 71. Ms. Captain cited poor musicianship
and questionable taste as the reasons for the break-up of the marriage.
THIRTY-NINE YEARS with the same guy
and NOW you realize he's the wrong one. What, you weren't paying
attention? You're 73 years old and NOW it's back to the dating scene?
(To invoke the name of my atomic powered rocket ship, the Royal Unionship Kidding,
or for short, what, RU Kidding?)
Love apparently will not keep them
together.
***From the This Is Somehow Very Wrong Department...
This past
Saturday, 1/25/14, in an NHL Pacific Division contest, the Anaheim Ducks beat
the Los Angeles Kings 3-0...at Dodger Stadium.
No, you
didn't read that wrong, the game was played outdoors at the home of my favorite
baseball team, the Los Angeles Dodgers. See the link below for a video and the
story of the game.
Hockey, at
Chavez Ravine.
I'm sorry,
but this is wrong, very wrong. I mean, the picture just looks so weird. I watch
just about every Dodgers game on TV during the season, being retired from my
regular job (being Pope doesn't require an inordinate amount of my time, d'uh,
leaving me ample opportunity to indulge my love of baseball/the Dodgers), not
to mention a number of personal visits over the years when I was a resident of
L.A., so I see/have seen the stadium frequently and I can tell you, this just
isn't right.
Okay, I'm
done kvetching (that's Yiddish for "flushing toilet").
***From the When Did That Happen Department?...
Now I pride
myself on being a pretty aware Pope; I make every effort to keep abreast of the
news and to be knowledgeable of current events, reading a daily newspaper and
surfing a number of on-line news sources regularly. But I have to tell you that
your Pope really dropped the proverbial ball on this one; when the hell did
stamps get so expensive? The last time I remember the price of a postage stamp,
it was 37 cents. (Okay, obviously I haven't been paying attention to this issue
lately.)
But
according to numerous articles just about everywhere last week (see the article
from the New York Daily News below, as an example), the United States Postal
Service, bastion of incompetence and mediocrity, is raising the price of a 1st
Class stamp to...FORTY-NINE CENTS.
I don't
have a problem with the amount necessarily, I just wasn't aware that stamps had
gone up that much. But whether the price is fair or outrageous notwithstanding,
what galls me is this raise vis a vis (that's Latin for "what, are
you people kidding with this?") the utter incompetence of the USPS, and to
increase their rates again, apparently for the fourth time in as many years, is
like adding insult to injury, salt in the wound and what would the fox say.
(He'd probably tell you to take your raise and insert it some place
unmentionable.)
I recently
moved from the bucolic splendor of the San Fernando Valley area of L.A., back
to the frigid plains of Northern Illinois, and in the process of doing so, well
in advance of the move, I petitioned the Postal Service folks for a change of
address for both my personal and business mail. In the two plus months since
the change went into effect, the geniuses at the Post Office have lost at least
TEN (you know, like in one more than nine and one less than eleven), TEN pieces
of my mail, items that I can verify from the originators were sent but have never arrived.
Lost in the
ozone? Who knows, but I know this much, I never saw them.
I sent an
unpleasant letter to the Postmaster at the Van Nuys CA branch that handles the
mail for Sherman Oaks, where I lived, complaining of the service and the loss
of my mail; I suspect the letter was passed around at break time (8:00am to
12:00pm daily, after which it's lunch-time, to be followed by an afternoon
break from 1:00pm to 5:00pm), and generated some hearty laughs from the
employees. (The word "employees" is used here only to indicate the
receipt of a paycheck; it is not used to indicate productivity.)
Gee, it's
hard to imagine how an efficient and well-run agency like the Postal Service
lost FIVE BILLION DOLLARS last year, isn't it?
49 cents a
stamp? You guys at the USPS have the balls of a rhinoceros.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/ostal-service-raises-price-stamp-49-cents-article-1.1592053
***From the They're All The Rage These Days Department...
This will
probably only be funny to folks who have been following the exploits of the
Mars Rover Curiosity; I have, and I thought it was hilarious.
***From the Serious Lack Of Taste Department...
Cervidae
flatulence.
Love and the monthlies,
PJTT
copyright 2014 Krissongs Inc.
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