Monkey Business

Due to security considerations, the Bored Of Elders of the All John All The Time World Church has never allowed a picture of your Pope Guy to be released previously; according to my consigliore, the Right Reverend Monsignor Michael Jordan, (no, not the one who owns the Charlotte Bobcats), the Bored was further concerned with possibility that a photo of me, once in the hands of the public, could not only be a security risk, but might also be used by unscrupulous persons to scare small children.

But after working on them for the last few weeks, they finally relented and allowed me to release to my adoring followers a picture of myself, suitable for framing, so that anyone who so chooses might enjoy the comfort and solace of having the walls in their home graced with the pleasing aspect of their Pope, smiling down on them in their day to day lives.

WARNING:

THE SEGUE THAT SHOULD APPEAR IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS SENTENCE HAS BEEN REMOVED. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.

There was an article on MSN.com the other day, an interview with Mr. "1950's Attitudes Towards Women", Hugh Hefner. Seems like Hugh is a little perplexed, and not a slight bit wounded by his recent jilting by former fiance, Crystal Harris, who cancelled their walk down the aisle just a week before the media event was to take place. (Just for the record, Ms. Harris is a youngish 26 years of age, compared to Hefner's mere 85. FYI, and let this rattle around in your brain for a moment, but Hefner was born in 1926. That's correct, opera lovers, Nineteen Twenty Six.)

(Three tortoises at the L.A. Zoo just dropped dead from shock.)

So Crystal found true love with somebody else, huh, Hef? Maybe somebody less than SIX DECADES older than she is, I don't know, maybe someone who wasn't born BEFORE the Stock Market Crash of '29.

I'm sorry to gloat, but it sure looks like a textbook case of being "hoist on your own petard" there, Hugh. And for all the women who were ever screwed over by this douchebag, this one's for you, gurls.

Oh, yeah, the picture above isn't me (I have a lot less hair); no, that's a "self-portrait" done by the animal after being given a digital camera by photographer David Slater; Slater has a whole slew of these photos in his portfolio. (I just wanna' know one thing; how does he get the camera back from the animal?)

Now I don't normally write a "post" on Sundays, agreeing with the thinking of the Creator that Sunday should be a day of rest and watching sports on TV, unless you're watching the Cubs, which shouldn't be under the heading "Sports", but rather under "Comedy" in the TV Guide.

But I felt compelled to provide my faithful followers with at least a brief message with the soothing balm of Johnism, especially if you consider that I haven't written a new post since 7/13. ("Laziness" was NOT one of the Beatitudes: "Blessed are the lazy, for while they accomplish little, they're well rested".)

I wasn't really busy with other matters, or at least not too busy to write a new post, but you know, I just didn't want to. Hey, I can be petulant, I'm human, too. Sometimes, I just don't feel like it.

But knowing how so many of you hang on my very words, look to me for guidance, for solace, for comfort, for the words that will make the message of the soothing balm of Johnism clear and accessible to all of you, I just couldn't shirk my duties any longer.

It's an enormous responsibility, a tremendous burden...and it's all mine.

Dodgers/D-backs today, from the warm, temperate climes of Phoenix AZ (temperature outside at game time yesterday, which was 5:00pm local, was 104; Chase Field, where the Diamondbacks play, is a domed, air-conditioned stadium, which I suspect was NOT what Abner Doubleday, the guy who invented baseball, had in mind when he started his book-publishing business); should be a good one, even with the Boys In Blue struggling the way they are currently.

Hey, baseball is our national pastime, don't forget, despite what the Kardashians believe to the contrary.

Oh, the "soothing balm of Johnism" thing?

Hell, I'll get back to that tomorrow; today, I have a baseball game to watch and maybe later the Harley Dog and I will take a nice, long and leisurely walk. That'll give HD an opportunity to make some new friends.

It's all about priorities, right?

Hey, Hef, sounds like Crystal had her "priorities" in line, whatta' think?

Love, baseball and matrimony, not in that order,

PJTT

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