But Don't Quote Me

"...a cloud of dust and a hearty "Hi-ho, Silver..."

According to the "What Do You Think?" poll on MSN.com, when asked the question, "What was your favorite part of the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia?", readers of the website responded thusly:

            ~Amazing athletes...........................................29%

            ~Mishaps/memes............................................3%

            ~Team USA gold-medal performances............9%

            ~Bob Costas' eye............................................10%

            ~DIDN'T WATCH........................................49%

These numbers were taken from 323,986 responses, as of 4:00pm CST on 2/25/14.

Your Pope Guy didn't watch either.

FYI, the Pope Guy is yours truly, John The Tall of the All John All The Time World Church and All-Night Diner; if you're interested, there's an almost viable explanation as to how this travesty occurred above (see above).

Recently, your Popeamundo has immersed himself in Presidential and Founding Fathers history, for reasons undetermined at this time; mostly, it just kinda' happened that way.

It probably started about a year ago when I read, back to back, two outstanding biographies: that of Abraham Lincoln, entitled cleverly, "Lincoln", by David Herbert Donald and of Harry S. Truman, also cleverly entitled, "Truman", by the Pulitzer Prize-winning author, David McCullough.

Both were outstanding.

Before long, caught up in a desire to learn more about the background and thinking processes of the various men who have risen to become the most powerful leader in the world, I went on a feeding frenzy of reading, which is my normal routine anyway (being forced to choose between reading and eating, I would have to give the proposition serious consideration), and devoured the following tomes over the last several months:

            ~"John Adams" again by the above-mentioned David McCullough

~"Team Of Rivals" by Doris Kearnes Goodwin, which was the book the movie "Lincoln", with Oscar-winner Daniel Day Lewis, was based on

~"Theodore Rex" by Edmund Morris, which described the Presidential years of Teddy Roosevelt's life

~"Eisenhower" by Stephen E. Ambrose

~"Washington, A Life" by Ron Chernow, an excellent work

~"Thomas Jefferson, The Art Of Power" by Jon Meachum, a wonderful book

And sitting on my shelf waiting patiently are:

~"The First American, The Life And Times of Benjamin Franklin" by H.W. Brands

~"John Quincy Adams" by Harlan Giles Ungar, a distant cousin of Felix, I presume

(Yes, I know Franklin wasn't a President, but he was one of the most influential of the signers of the Declaration Of Independence, so I figured, why not?)

The thing that has struck me about all of the above is number of "quotes", or if I were to use the current vernacular, "sound bites", that appear in the pages of these books.

So I thought to myself, Pope, you should share some of these treasures, with your loyal followers, all three of you, along with some of my own pithy and occasionally deeply profound gems of wisdom, as well as a number of comments, wry and ridiculous, from other famous commentators, Presidential and otherwise.

In no particular order then, here they are:

~"Is the present state of the national republic enough? Is virtue the principle of our government? Is honor? Or is ambition and avarice, adulation, baseness, covetousness, the thirst for riches, indifference concerning the means of rising and enriching, the contempt of principle, the spirit of party and of faction the motive and principle that governs?"

            John Adams

~"Blessed are the tall, for they can reach the top shelf."

            PJTT

~"What would Jesus Christ have preached if he'd taken a poll in Israel?...It isn't polls or public opinion of the moment that counts. It's right and wrong."

            Harry Truman

~"Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities, we didn't have to produce anything. You've never been out of college, you don't know what it's like out there! I've worked in the private sector. They expect results."

            Dr. Raymond Stantz (Dan Akroyd in "Ghostbusters")

~"Free speech is a restraint on government, not an incitement to the citizen."

            Dean Acheson (Secretary of State under Harry Truman)

~"...and blessed are the bewildered, not because they're cool or anything, but because they can use all the help they can get..."

            PJTT

~"Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call to her tribunal every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear."

            Thomas Jefferson

~"A blind horse upon a treadmill, is a perfect illustration of what a laborer should be-all the better for being blind, that he could not tread out of place, or kick understandingly."

            Abraham Lincoln (speaking of a slave society)

~"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."

            Winston Churchill

~"Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours."

            Ronald Reagan

~"America and Britain are two nations divided by a common language."

            George Bernard Shaw, playwright

~"The truth is that the greatest enemies to the doctrines of Jesus are those calling themselves the expositors of them, who have perverted them for the structure of a system of fancy absolutely incomprehensible, and without any foundation in his genuine words."

            Thomas Jefferson

~"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."

            Yogi Berra, catcher

~"Blessed are the lazy, for although they don't accomplish much, they're well rested."

            PJTT

~"If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: 'President Can't Swim'."

            Lyndon Johnson

~"They read the same Bible, and pray to the same God, and each invokes His aid against the other."

            Abraham Lincoln (speaking of people of the North and South during the Civil War)

~"There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it. My job is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives."
            Mitt Romney, wannabe President

~"I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress."

            Ronald Reagan

~"We don't pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes."

            Leona Helmsley, wannabe human being and billionaire

~"For the first time in my adult lifetime, I'm really proud of my country."

Michelle Obama

~"It's like deja-vu, all over again."

Yogi Berra

~"I am on my way to Massachusetts, where I have a son at school, who, if report be true, already knows much more than his father."

Abraham Lincoln

 And my all-time favorite...

~"Never tease an armed midget with a high-five."

            PJTT

Love and quotation marks,

PJTT

copyright 2014 Krissongs Inc.

The "NOBULLetin" For November 2011

"...she's my little deuce coupe, you don't know what I got...".

Great car, great song, lousy English and you want to know what I don't got? A cool ride like this...(large sigh of resignation here)...but I'll get over it.

You have to admit, though, it would be a really cool Popemobile.

Back to business: once a month, or every 6.23 weeks on the Julian calendar, the Bored Of Elders at the All John All The Time World Church directs their Pope, (that would be me), to publish a newsletter detailing for all our faithful followers, and for the non-faithful as well, the various and sundry happenings here at the AJATTWC, which we call the NOBULLetin.

And so, for the month of November, 2256, here is this month's NOBULLetin, being seen here today in it's entirety with no commercial interruptions.

*"Johner Of The Month" For November*

            The AJATTWC's coveted award, which each month recognizes a member of the Pope's flock for their commitment to the soothing balm of Johnism, (or one who has made a LARGE cash donation recently), is given this month to:

Eric Meinke of

Plainfield IL

Congratulations, Eric, and please keep up the good work (and thanks for the dough as well). As a further token of the Bored's esteem, a Xerox copy of a handsome commemorative plaque to memorialize this momentous event will be given to the lucky wiener, err, winner. Eric, with this award and about eight bucks, you can get that new Western Burrito BBQ Jalapeno Double Cheeseburger at any Texas Slim's Roadhouse Burgers and Firing Range. Great job, buddy, and keep up the good work. (And keep the checks coming too; thanks.)

(Hey, faithful followers, please pay attention; last month I wrote "p-l-a-G-u-e", which I guess would mean "a commemorative contagious disease that is deadly", and NOBODY noticed. As you can imagine, that was not the message I was attempting to convey. If attention lapses such as this occur again in the future, there will be sanctions.)

*Men's Club Outing Last Month*

            Our Men's Club President, Brother Gary Indiana, would like to report that, despite all the build-up in advance of their trip to Racing Rock Park, the actual visit to see the running of the Flintstone 500 (yards) was less exciting then anticipated. (Brother Alan Wrench said, "it sucked"; Brother Alan needs to learn to be more direct with his observations.) Brother Gary said that several Men's Club members attending the event seemed to think that, although it is unique in the annals of rock racing history, watching a rock move across the floor of the desert (considering they move so slow that the movement can't be seen with the naked eye, or even a semi-naked one), is something akin to watching traffic lights turn from red to yellow to green and back again, over and over.

            The group is discussing attending the next Republican Party Presidential Debate, but decided that one REALLY boring event was enough for a while.

http://www.bing.com/travel/content/search?q=Mysterious+Sights%3a+Racetrack+Playa%2c+California&FORM=TRSSPG 

*Woman's Club Bake Sale*

            There is currently no Woman's Club Bake Sale scheduled, according to Club President Virginia Ham; however, in the history of the AJATTWC and the NOBULLetin, there has never been an edition that did not contain a reference to a Woman's Club Bake Sale, and I didn't want to set an unfortunate precedent with this month's.

*All-Member Church Meeting*

            The Bored Of Elders of the AJATTWC has scheduled an All-Member's Church Meeting for next Thursday, Star Date 98.6, at 7:00AMPM, to discuss using outdoor advertising to promote the Church. Brother Gideon Bible, Head Elder, assisted by Brother Justin Case, Shoulder Elder, will give a brief Power Point presentation, which will be followed by an open-floor discussion of the topic. Brother Bible has stated that he hopes we're able to do a better job than the Atheists, who managed to attribute a quote (see above) to Thomas Jefferson that, apparently, Mr. Jefferson never uttered. (Good job, you heathen sluts.)

            Sister Georgia Peach is in charge of refreshments for this event; please contact her if you can bring a dish. (Or a plate.) (Or a rutabaga.)

*Lecture By Dr. O'Lading*

            Dr. Bill O'Lading, the distinguished Director of our Church-sponsored charity, the Home For The Chronically Bewildered, will give a lecture next Sunday, after services, in the Church Meeting Hall entitled "You Don't Have To Be A Moron To Be An Atheist, But it Helps". Dr. O'Lading's talk will focus on just how dumb you have to be to a) be an athiest and b) not check your facts before you put them on a 50 foot by 20 foot outdoor (is there such a thing as an "indoor"?) billboard.

            Please let Sister Robin Snest in the Church office know if you plan to attend, and hurry, because the seats are filling up fast. (And when was the last time your seat was full?)

*Teen Club Looking For Ideas*

            Sister Penny Lane, the Teen Club moderator and our welding (no, not "wedding") expert here at the AJATTWC, has made a request to all the Members for fund-raising ideas that the Teen Club can consider for next year. You will recall, this year's drive, the selling of raffle tickets to "Win An Evening With Elvis" was less than successful; our erstwhile Junior Members unfortunately didn't realize the King had passed on some years ago.

            So please, let's put our thinking caps on and give the kids some great ideas, preferably ones that don't involve dead entertainers.

*Prayer Requests*

            -Brother Glen Plaid asks that we remember his aunt, Sister Maureen Corps, who is having a watermelon-sized growth removed from your uvula next week;

            -Sister Rosemary Enthyme asks that we pray for her pet Komodo dragon, Fluffy, who is having a tail reduction after the holidays;

            -Brother Mac Encheese asks that we remember his half-brother, Mayor Mc, who recalls nothing.

*Please Patronize Our Sponsors*

Okay, here's the list of sponsors; do the Bored a favor and check these merchants out. They help fund the exorbitant salary, err, pittance that the Bored pays me twice a month.

-The Law Firm of Dewey, Cheatum and Howe, Attorneys At Law

"We're in it for the dough."

            www.MyLawyerCanWhipYourLawyer.com

-Sam's S&M Dungeon and Pizza Parlor

"Tie Me Up and Feed Me Pizza"

227 North Bondage Ave.

-L.A. Beautiful-"It's Time For Your Dream Body"

            Visit us at www.labeautiful.com

            All Types Of Plastic Surgery including:

            -breast augmentation

            -breast lifts

            -male breast ("moobs") reduction

            -hammer toe, (and "screwdriver ear")

            -facelift

            -tummy tuck

            -and many others

            Receive $1000 OFF any qualified procedure with this bulletin

            Free Limo Service with qualified procedures

(The above is an actual ad that appears periodically in the L.A. Times. Other than the "bulletin" part. You can check out the website if you don't believe me. Only in LA.)

Hey, Athiest Folks, listen up: Christopher Hitchens, a famous non-believer in God, once said, in dismissing belief in a Supreme Being, that "what can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence".

Hey Chris, take a look at that billboard some of your co-doofuses put up; right back at you, buddy.

...and blessed are the bewildered, not because they're cool or anything, but because they can use all the help they can get...

Solicitations: Apollo 13, Dodgers 5

Love and advertising,

PJTT

copyright 2011 Krissongs, Inc.