Sticks And Stones

An Open Letter To Russian President Vladimir Putin

from

Pope John The Tall, American

Mr. President:

By the way, before I get started, is it "Poo-tin" or "Pew-tin"?

As the Head Guy of one of the world's foremost organizations, the All John All The Time World Church (see above for explanation of this atrocity), and a loyal American, I thought it behooved me to write you this letter and apprise you of the possible consequences of your recent actions in the Crimea region of Ukraine.

You should know what you're getting into.

Please be advised that our President, Barack Obama, is not a man with whom to be trifled; you take your safety and that of your country lightly if you believe this not to be the case. His rhetorical skills far surpass those of any of our previous Presidents.

If you continue your naked aggression against the sovereign country of Ukraine, President Obama will be forced to take action, and I as see it, such action could be any, or all, of the following:

~convince NATO and European Union countries, as well as others around the world, to participate in an economic boycott of Russia, in conjunction with the United States, that could potentially cost your country hundreds (that's 100's) of rubles;

~or convince these same countries to join together to ostracize Russia from the community of nations, resulting in great embarrassment for your country and a stinging loss of prestige for you, coupled with a tongue lashing of epic proportions;

~or finally, in cooperation with the International Olympics Committee, work to deny Russia the opportunity to host the Winter Games again, ever.

Should the threat of initiating these measures prove to be an insufficient deterrent to your dreams of hegemony, our President will continue to make speeches against your actions until such time as, well, let's hope this crisis doesn't get that far.

Please remember, Mr. Putin, that our President was the man who, upon learning that President Bashar Assad of Syria, in the civil war that continues to this day to plague that country, intended to use chemical weapons in his battle against the insurgents, issued a warning to Mr. Assad that the use of these weapons would cross a "red line", and that American response would be swift and decisive.

You know how that whole thing ended.

So you would be well advised, sir, to recall the lessons of that unfortunate situation, and know that it is dangerous to disregard the words of our President, a man of strong oral skills, and a man, indeed, of great verbosity.

Forewarned is forearmed, and although we abhor giving you two more than you had previously, you are well advised to know that President Obama will take the necessary rhetorical steps to end this crisis you have perpetrated, painful to the ears as it may be.

Again, you are cautioned not to take lightly the verbal skills of our President.

Know you this, sir, that as a leader of a powerful country such as the United States, President Obama would make a fine TV news commentator.

You stand forewarned.

Love and Pussy Riot,

PJTT

P.S. to my daughter...I'm sorry, Poopsie, I know I promised not to write about politics but this Putin guy had to be warned. Please forgive me.

copyright 2014 Krissongs Inc.